This post is extremely hard to type because it’s very personal and it has broken me. I write about positivity, healing yourself but I also want my followers to know that even through positivity, life still happens.
What I’m going through is devastating. The bond that a mother wants with her daughter, I have destroyed that. I admit I’ve never been a perfect mother and I could go back to my past and say it’s because of how I was treated growing up, that’s all I know is to be a toxic parent but I won’t, I shouldn’t have made my daughter feel the way I did growing up because I know how much pain she is in every day and I’m the reason.
I grew up around toxicity and my momma would talk to me like I was just any chick on the street. I came second to my brother and that’s how I used to feel for a long time, second place, not that important.
I had my daughter at 17 and the biggest mistake I made was letting my momma take full control over my baby. It allowed me to still live my life as a teenager but it cost me so much down the road. I allowed for a narcissist to raise my child but I wasn’t perfect either, especially when I started to have other kids. I can empathize with her on why she feels like I don’t care about her and she’s not important. I made her second place, I yelled and said the most hurtful things to her, so yes baby I feel your pain because I have had to live that life, and it was horrible, that’s why I got into all of this spiritual healing and deeper with my relationship with God but by that time the damage was done.
My old self would just let go but the changed me, the one who God protects, I know that he wouldn’t put more on me than I can bear and this is my trial. I’ll admit that this trial is tough and scary because I can’t lose my baby, so I will continue to trust in God and have faith that He’ll bring her back to me. I admit my wrongs and hold myself accountable for all my actions. All I can do now is leave it with God so that she’ll find it in her heart to forgive me. I have to continue to work on myself so she can see that I’m not that person anymore. She should have been the person I put first this whole time and I will show her that she is and how important she is to me. No matter if she pushes me away I will continue to fight for her!
I leave you with love, peace, and positivity. Namaste.