What do I mean when I say fall in love with yourself? What I mean is love yourself first because how can you give love to somebody else when you don’t even love yourself the right way.
I’m going to get personal here in this post so you can get a better understanding of what I’m talking about. See I always wanted to feel love because growing up that wasn’t something I was shown. Now I knew I had love but it was very complicated. Love was equated to materials and money, so growing up that’s what I understood it to be, that if someone gives you something & spends their money on you, then that equals love.
Hang in there with and you’ll see where I’m going with this. In my mind and what I observed growing up no matter how bad someone treated me as long as they spent their hard earned money on me I should be appreciative and understand that they love me. This subconscious way of thinking led me to believe I wasn’t worthy and would always have to prove myself for someone’s love. I became so consumed with trying to prove myself I did everything for someone’s love, I lost myself and the love that I never felt I had for myself. I was taught putting myself first was selfish and inconsiderate, so I would feel ashamed when I would try to do something for myself.
When I started meditating and trying self-care routines, I started to feel good about myself. I did shadow work and learned things about myself that I tried to suppress and that suppression was causing me to lose myself. I started to learn that in order for me to have healthy relationships, I first needed to learn to love myself.
Now it has not been easy and it’s an everyday struggle but I try to tell myself every day that I am love & love lives within me. I’ve been broken for a long time and giving my love to someone scares me because I have built up such a wall and a defense mechanism to where I will not allow anyone to hurt me, so I have been vicious with an I don’t care attitude but deep down I actually do care but that toxicity in me doesn’t allow me to show it. That’s why I’m so happy that I decided to change my mindset and start meditating, healing my chakras, getting my body in balance with yoga & most important finally learning to let go and love myself.
I hope this article will help someone who is going through the same thing.
I leave you with love, peace, positivity & happiness. Namaste.